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    The No.1 Relationship Killer Is Not What You Think

    Are you accidentally ruining your relationship? Complacency isn’t relevant to everyone, but there are two sides of complacency you definitely need to be aware of, so you don’t inadvertently switch off your libido or make your partner become less attracted to you. Complacency is the precursor to the death of many relationships, as well as contributing to sexual issues such as early ejaculation and loss of erection hardness in men and a low libido and being unable to orgasm in women. 

    relationship stress

    What’s left between a couple after sexual attraction is gone? Numerous couples are reduced to just being friends. While one partner might be happy with this arrangement, it often isn’t enough for the other partner who craves being in a mutually fulfilling relationship. 

    Complacency can signal the end of your relationship, whether it be a quick demise or a long-winded withdrawal by both partners… or it can be the start of a bright new future together, depending on what action you are prepared to take:

    Type 1 Complacency - the need to please

    This person is often a serial people pleaser and will do everything possible to please their partner. From frequently buying them gifts, to doing all the cooking and cleaning, to making excuses for their partner’s harsh or rude behavior, to disrespecting their own personal boundaries in an effort to please their partner (or to simply keep the peace).

    It’s important to have a great “A” game, but this person is often so over the top nice that their behavior can have the adverse effect of being smothering, which tends to push their partner away. Type 1 complacency is sad but true, happens to many couples and is very common among genuinely “nice” men and women who really care about their partner.

    However, being too nice can eventually have a repelling effect, because it doesn’t trigger the very basic human need of attraction.

    It can be common for the partner of this type of person to become bored and start disengaging from the relationship. This shows up as displaying less interest and affection, making excuses to avoid being intimate, and furtively seeking freedom by spending more and more time away with friends.

    This lack of respect can also lead to type 2 complacency which I will explain below.

    Being too nice, or too reliable can kill sexual attraction and negatively affect a partner's desire for you.

    How to overcome the need to please

    Maintaining attraction requires constant tweaking to retain our partner’s interest. As human beings we are hard-wired for adventure! We crave being mentally, emotionally as well as physically stimulated. If everything is nicely handed to us on a platter, we very quickly become bored and may look for adventures elsewhere.

    Regardless of your gender, to regain balance from being type one complacent requires adding some mystery… you must hold back a little. Don’t always be available. Sometimes, even be unavailable and a bit vague. Have a life outside of your relationship. Don’t be a doormat. 

    Doing all of the above, as well as engaging in hobbies and interests outside the relationship which fulfil you as a person will help you quickly regain your sense of self worth and become a more powerful magnet of attraction. 

    Ignite passion in your relationship by taking action now!

    Don't let complacency destroy your relationship. Taking action is key to a thriving partnership and to reignite the spark, so start revitalizing your connection today.

    Type 2 Complacency - lack of action and being unaware

    complacency in a relationship

    These partners tend to have a feeling of satisfaction or security, often while being unaware of a lurking potential danger. They have no idea that their constant state of inaction is contributing to the lack of sex and/or emotional fulfilment in their relationship.

    It’s common for both men and women to let themselves go as they age – thinking along the lines of: well, my partner loves me, so I don’t need to make an effort to keep in shape. This is disrespectful to yourself as well as your partner – and it could also cost your life.

    The reality is that we need to actively maintain our health and fitness throughout life, especially as we become older. Most partners won’t mention it, but it can be an ongoing source of disappointment and discouragement when a partner doesn’t seem to think you’re important enough for them to make an effort to keep themselves fit and attractive.

    This is also true when it comes to fulfilling your requirement of helping out around the house, or changing an annoying behavior. 

    If your partner mentions the importance of doing something out loud, you can guarantee they have thought about it at least 100x before mentioning it to you.

    How to overcome being Type 2 complacent

    It’s important to participate in your life and relationships 24/7. Too many times we opt for the easy option instead of putting some effort into looking and feeling our best. Looking after your health and well-being, being creative with your appearance and dressing stylishly, not just in public but at home as well, will go a long way toward igniting and maintaining attraction in your relationship.

    When giving instructions or answering questions for your partner, it is helpful to be direct and forthcoming so you don't overwhelm them with irrelevant details which can lead to frustration and annoyance. All they want to do is help, so do your best to be respectful by getting straight to the point and they will surely appreciate and take note of your effort.

    Then, it’s a matter of keeping your partner on their toes with good humor and by not always being physically available. These things are generally a turn on for both men and women.

    In summary

    As you can see, it can be very easy to tip the scales of complacency against you - even when you have the best of intentions in your relationship.

    To swiftly start improving your relationship now, make sure you walk your talk and aim to be the best version of yourself. Respect yourself as a person and you will regain respect from your partner. As your self-confidence builds, you will immediately be and feel more attractive; and emotional connection, desire, and anticipation for sex will once again be stimulated in yourself and in your partner.

    This article was first posted by Jacqui Olliver on Medium.com

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    Jacqui Olliver Psychosexual Alignment Specialist

    Jacqui Olliver

    As the founder of the Psychosexual Alignment methodology and published author, Jacqui has helped thousands of men and women easily resolve sex problems and restore emotional connection. Get your ultimate sex education and elevate intimacy to an exciting new level of engagement with Jacqui's Sex Mastery Programs for Men and Women.

    © Jacqui Olliver. All Rights Reserved. DMCA protected. The content on this website is for informational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.  *Results vary from person to person. Questions? Please email me directly and let me know how I can help: [email protected]