People of all ages and relationship status experience sexual frustration from time to time. However, problems can arise when it seems like you are always aroused and feeling sexually frustrated. Ongoing sexual frustration can affect your ability to think clearly, focus at work and have meaningful interactions with others.
A common misperception is that you must masturbate or engage sexually to release sexual tension. That is a myth. With the correct knowledge and technique, you can easily turn sexual arousal off to stop feeling sexually frustrated and I will explain how to do that in this post.
Another common cause of sexual frustration is an ongoing sexual function issue or a partner's lack of interest in sex. So I will also cover how to deal with these important issues too.
Any of your senses can trigger sexual arousal, so it's important to know exactly how to control and regulate it – as the timing is not always appropriate!
Women are wired predominantly emotionally. For most women, sex and emotions are intricately connected. When a woman is feeling sexually frustrated, there is often an emotional element which she will connect the sexual frustration to.
In contrast, sexual frustration in men is most often physical and can be linked to having much higher levels of testosterone.
Similar to an ongoing sexual function issue or a partner's lack of interest in sex, its important to understand how you are contributing to the problem.
When you have thoughts about sex or your mind engages in sexual fantasies, it's normal to “relate” those thoughts back to how it feels in your genitalia which can then make you aware of pleasurable sensations.
If you continue to indulge in bringing your attention to your genitals by thinking about why you are horny, flexing your genitals, squeezing your genitals; thinking about sexual fantasies or viewing, imagining or remembering arousing images, then your continued sexual focus will keep activating the sexual arousal program in your brain.
Many men and women suppress sexual arousal which can cause its own set of problems. You might do this when you think you want to have sex but have no way of doing so (like when you’re at work or because you don’t have a partner, or because your partner has a sexual dysfunction issue or just plain isn’t interested.)
When you suppress arousal by trying to ignore it, it usually takes 3 or 4 minutes to settle down or can leave you feeling sexually frustrated for hours when you don't switch the arousal program off properly.
Catapulting from one end of the arousal scale to the other will eventually cause problems. Therefore, suppressing sexual arousal long term can lead to:
Erectile dysfunction (weak erections)
Premature ejaculation (unwanted ejaculation)
The inability to reach orgasm
Inner vaginal dryness
Feeling sexually disconnected, compromised, frustrated and alone
For a male partner, suppressing arousal can lead to weak erections on one end of the sexual arousal scale, to early ejaculation at the other. For example, when he feels huge amounts of sexual tension building throughout the day and suppresses that energy, he can feel so wound up with sexual arousal or frustration that he becomes over excited and ejaculates prematurely during sexual intimacy with his partner.
Constantly bending his penis in his underwear to hide an erection can also cause penile curvature. This can result in his penis bending in an unnatural position which can cause pain and affect his ability to have normal sex.
Your mind will always come back to a subject you do not have the answers for. Sexual frustration is frequently a side effect of other issues not being dealt with.
There are two parts to dealing with a sexually frustrating issue:
1. The physiological aspect: resetting your body so sexual arousal is turned off.
2. Dealing with the issues leading to sexual frustration.
I will explain the technique to resolve the sexual tension you are feeling below. Then you might want to consider dealing with these important areas of life to eliminate sexual frustration:
Understand how to attract and keep a partner
Become fit and healthy to keep your ideal partner attracted
Fulfil all areas of your life so you don’t come across as being needy
Make sure you are allowing time for a partner in your schedule
Learn how to fulfil a partner so you can succeed in your relationship
Later in this article I will explain how to deal with a partner who has lost interest in sex and what to do if sexual dysfunction is causing sexual frustration and tension.
This technique will not stop sexual thoughts and feelings from reoccurring; however, it will provide you with an effective method for dealing with unwanted sexual arousal when it is triggered so you can get on with your day.
Use this method as often as is required. It is common for the sexual arousal program to be triggered more frequently for males. Some of you may initially find it necessary to use this technique several times throughout the day. However, you will soon gain control over your arousal so you are generally feeling more relaxed and at ease.
In each instance of arousal, first determine whether (or not) you want to be feeling aroused at that time. Is it appropriate, or inappropriate timing? If you need the arousal to go away quickly, use the following technique.
Ask yourself this: Can I have sex right now? If the answer is no, then your body’s natural stress response may be triggered. This causes increased heart rate and muscle tension which only lasts for a few seconds if you do not mentally analyze it. Just allow that moment of discomfort and it will subside within seconds.
It is physiologically impossible to try not to think about something as this will immediately bring the subject you are trying to block to the front of your mind.
If you try not to think about a black car, what immediately comes to mind? A black car. It works the same with arousal.
The more you try not to think about it, the more aroused you become. If you just TRY NOT TO think about feeling sexually aroused or frustrated, your mind will keep coming back to the subject of sex.
Here’s an example of how this works: Hold your arm out to the side and try to ignore it. Trying to ignore your arm doesn't move it down to your side. You may become aware of the discomfort of your arm tiring after a period of time, but your arm won't move until your body receives the command from your brain to change your position.
Switching your attention to another task which doesn't involve your arm being held out to the side, however, will immediately make your arm change position to accommodate that new task. The same concept applies to your genitals and sexual arousal.
To avoid confusing your brain, give it a clear starting point by acknowledging that you are feeling aroused. If the timing isn't appropriate, then give your brain another job to focus on.
Your brain will default to its most used neural pathways until you consciously change them. To stop feeling sexually frustrated, you need to consciously steer your sexual focus toward non-sexual focus. Do this by switching your attention to an unrelated task which requires your full attention.
Tasks which involve concentration and intricate hand movements provide an effective diversion as they require your full mental focus.
Some ideal tasks include typing, writing, texting on your phone, gaming. If you think of anything else, please add in the comments below.
Put your whole attention, your whole mental focus onto executing and completing that menial task.
I know it is tempting to return your mind to your genitals because the sensations can feel good. But when your mind returns to your genitals and/or sexual thoughts… chances are you may reactivate the sexual arousal program in your brain.
If you accidentally retrigger the arousal program mentally or physically, simply repeat this technique as required.
Admit to yourself that you're feeling aroused and it feels good, then determine whether or not the arousal is appropriately timed. If the timing doesn't work for you, decide to enjoy yourself later. Then switch your whole focus to mindfully completing the intricate details of a menial task (involving your hands) which requires your full attention.
There's nothing wrong with enjoying sexual arousal when it is appropriately timed.
Remember that you need only switch sexual arousal "off" if you need to focus on another task, or when someone is speaking to you and you need to be paying attention.
On saying that, it's super important to resolve related issues that are leading to you feeling sexually frustrated.
Common causes of sexual frustration can include sexual dysfunction problems including premature ejaculation (ejaculating too fast), erectile dysfunction (soft erection, weak erection or no erection), problems reaching orgasm or lack of sexual interest by your partner.
It's common for women to lose their libido after childbirth, if they are unable to orgasm, or if they have reached menopause and are experiencing inner vaginal dryness which can lead to sex being painful.
Statistically, 80% of people are affected by sexual function issues. If you or your partner suffer from these problems, then you would benefit from further updating your knowledge base.
Sometimes sexual incompatibility is an issue. This can be related to size, technique or fantasies which can usually be resolved with the correct knowledge and technique. If you do not address these issues you may experience a life-long sexual frustration problem if you stay together with that partner.
There can be many reasons why a partner loses interest in sex and many times the reason is completely different to what you may have imagined. Do some detective work to identify the problem so you can help to resolve it and spare yourself unnecessary sexual frustration and tension in your relationship.
It’s important to note that you must initiate any conversations on this topic from a calm emotional state. If you are tense, this will be reflected in your facial expression which will immediately put your partner on edge and they may become defensive.
Being emotionally triggered can lead to a lot of conflict, tension and stress; with many important issues never being resolved. If you could do with some help in any of these areas, just ask me.
Ask your partner why they have lost interest in sex (ensure you are fulfilling your partner outside as well as inside the bedroom!)
Ask if your sexual technique is putting your partner off having sex with you (you can easily gain skills with the correct knowledge to improve your overall sexual technique)
Ask if your partner has health problems which are affecting their libido (apply the above technique so you're not adding to their stress)
Do your or your partner suffer from a sexual dysfunction issue? (Work as a team to get help and restore intimacy together)
A partner unwilling to have sex may regain interest when sexual dysfunction issues have been resolved and they can count on enjoying a mutually fulfilling sexual experience.
Be aware that if you have any of the problems mentioned in this post, your mind will continually switch back to the subject of sex until you develop and improve on your complete sexual strategy.
Self-confidence comes from knowledge as well as developing yourself as a person. If you don't have confidence in the above areas, then you will be constantly thinking about sex and how you can get more of it.
Not knowing what to focus on (and when) is the root cause of most sex problems and the resulting sexual frustration. If any of the above problems are plaguing you or your partner, then undertake my essential training so you can stop feeling alone and frustrated – and start enjoying mutually satisfying relationships!
Discover how to solve weak erections, early ejaculation and delayed ejaculation issues… as well as how to time your orgasm with your partner’s final orgasm every time, so you feel like a king in bed.
And for women... how to get turned on, stay turned on, easily reach orgasm and become a dynamic lover.
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